Defining Moments In A Relationship: Hers vs. His

What are the defining moments in a relationship? Depends on who you ask.

Loveawake dating site ran a piece titled in its blog about defining moments in a relationship. This one was a bit too girly for my taste. Sure, a guy would probably put your first kiss, first morning after, or first fight on his list, but no dude thinks of the first time grocery shopping or first doctor’s visit together as a defining moment, sorry.

That’s why I’m going to give you some guy milestones (guystones? Nah, sounds like a testicle problem). But first, the Loveawake’s list:

First talk
First kiss
First time he calls you his girlfriend
First morning after
First time someone says “I love you”
First “we”
First fight
First trip together
First grocery shop
First control (of his car, iPod, remote, etc — lame!)
First talk of a future together
First time you stop primping for him
First doctor visit
First time caring for something together
First talk of a commitment

So there’s that. I don’t know about you, but I think I just ovulated. So let’s get some testosterone in here pronto.

Some milestones you might find on a guy’s list:

First loan
Hey, every guy comes up short sometimes. The first time you spot him a 20 is a joyous occasion because now he knows you carry cash and don’t mind helping him out in a pinch. But if he’s dumb enough to ask for singles before a night out with the guys, cut him off.

First fart
Sooner or later a guy just has to let one rip. The sooner you get used to it, the better.

First bailout
Not the government kind, the jail kind. He had a few too many and ended up in the clink. It happens. If you love him, you’ll be right down with a cashier’s check for five G and will believe him when he says he has no idea what this whole “solicitation” business is all about.

First time he touches your boobs
Sweet Jesus hallelujah. Every guy remembers this moment for every girlfriend or cheap one-night stand he ever had.

First time he looks like a fool
He got in that guy’s face at the bar and got his ass beat right in front of you. Oops. But hey, you still want him, and a good dentist can replace those teeth, so he’s happy.

First time he sees your “O” face
“O” hell yes. Who’s the man?! He is. C’mon, say it.

First time you see his schlong
He’s been ready to show it to you since the first date, now it’s showtime. Whether your eyes widen in appreciation or you giggle, it’s a defining moment, so for god’s sake don’t giggle because that can haunt a guy for the rest of his days.

First time he gets dumped
Actually, no, a guy would never put this on his list. He wants to forget it ever happened, and, no, those weren’t tears, his contact lenses were acting up.

How about you? What are your relationship milestones?

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